Brian O’Hare was 62 years old, with only three more years until retirement. He had started his literary professorship forty-years earlier at age twenty-two. Now an assistant director, he could wait out the remaining three years, couldn’t he? Yet something had changed. He didn’t know what was wrong and so he signed the forms for an urgent early retirement.

Every time he passed the cemetery near the golf course that he frequented, a prayer stole its way into his mind. But he never prayed – at least not seriously. Why after thirty years was he praying for his parents’ eternal rest?

“Spiritual Odyssey” is Brian O’Hare’s conversion journey back to the faith of his childhood. Written as journal entries, he takes his readers through the events in his sudden and unexplained spiritual reversion. Having been immersed in literature his whole life, he searches history, the stanzas of poets, and humble stories of the saints in an effort to understand how to have a relationship with God. He is often left in awe as he, in childlike simplicity, rediscovers how to pray, and ultimately, how to live. He doesn’t preach to his readers because he has no answers, only questions – the familiar kind that stir in every heart. 

His ponderings are honest and, at times, even humorous. At one point in his musings, I found myself wiping away a stray tear, because he asked a question or two that I have also asked God and am still waiting for answers on. At other moments, I found myself disagreeing with his musings or frustrated with advice given to him by friends and even some religious. O’Hare would probably be the first to say that the reader ought not to rely on his journal entries as spiritual advice; over the course of time, his understanding evolves, deepens and even sometimes changes. He even apologizes to a deceased writer for having earlier interpreted a stanza “wrongly”. He had earlier judged him and his situation. I respect O’Hare’s humility that accompanies his unquenchable thirst to understand and deepen his relationship with God — this book is aptly named an odyssey. Through it all, I additionally appreciated his use of literature to help further express the simplicities and complexities of his on-going conversion.

My favorite elements in the book were O’ Hare’s reflections on suffering. He faces quite a bit of it, more than I can imagine myself handling, but doesn’t shy away from using it as a way to deepen his relationship with God. He is even surprised that he doesn’t have more suffering. (His medical sufferings at times can be graphic; some readers may want to skim these bits.) As the prognosis for his life bleakens, his questions move to thoughts about the afterlife. O’Hare bathes in the water of Lourdes; a famous nun with the gift of healing prays over him; masses and prayers are offered for him, but he himself doesn’t pray for a cure. Instead, he asks that the pain be bearable. 

Anyone who enjoys conversion stories will appreciate reading the events detailed in this memoir. Those in the midst of chronic suffering may find a friend.  Monicas out there, who are praying for their Augustines, may find hope in this prodigal story – a wonderful testament to the love of God and how He never abandons us, even when we say no to Him for decades.